Dear 2019

Dear 2018,
You went differently than I expected.

Dear 2019,
Let's do this. But, could you maybe take it a little easier on us?

Last year was a bit of an emotional workout. January came in with the excitement of a newly-announced baby boy on the way. But as that excitement grew, we were simultaneously overwhelmed with fear and worry. In June, the utmost joy of welcoming Lochlan was quickly replaced with devastation the following month of Char's diagnosis, and then we circled back again to an intentional focus on joy (while still being punctuated daily with bouts of devastation). Joy, devastation, joy, devastation, joy. 

We're finding our groove, and 2019 is off to a good start. I still have days where I lay in bed at night and say "what did I ACTUALLY do to cultivate joy today?" but, for the most part, I feel like we're doing a pretty darn good job of being glass-half-full people. In an arid desert. (I should probably delete that last part, life is not that bad)

Here's what I'd like to work with you on for the coming months, Mister (or Missus) 2019. 

I'd like to have all of my babies here on Earth with me all of the months (there, I said it).

I'd like to spend each month doing FUN things. Not locking ourselves inside. I know about the germs, I know about the risks. I still want to find balance with that and have FUN. 

I'd like to feel strengthened as a family unit, and specifically as a husband/wife unit, as we deal with a situation that weakens us. 

I'd like for my children to feel happy, relieved, and warm + fuzzy the minute I walk into the room. 

I'd like to not put myself last, I'd like to still find ways of fulfilling myself as a person without feeling guilt. I wouldn't mind putting those five pounds back on, I need to eat healthier and find my appetite again. 

I'd like to think back on every single amazingly wonderful thing that was done for our family in 2018 and find a special, tangible, heartfelt way of paying it forward. 

I'd like to slow down a little bit. Smell the roses more often. 

I'd like my family members and girlfriends to know how I couldn't do it without them. 

I'd like to be a little better about Instagramming on time. Right now I'm living in a world of Latergram. 

I'd like to do more special crafts that use wee handprints and footprints. 

I'd like to travel a little bit although that feels overwhelming (and if it doesn't include every family member, it just feels wrong). But, I know that a refreshed mom is a happy mom. 

I'd like to keep connecting with wonderful people who fill my bucket.

I think we can do this. Please let me respectfully reiterate my desire to please have all of my babies here with me for all of the months.



  1. I love the one about the way your babies feel when you walk into a room. Sometimes I wonder how my kids feel when I walk into a room and this made me think much harder about how I treat them/talk to them/make them feel.

    You’re a wonderful mom, April, and I’m so thankful to call you my friend. The amount of grace, class and strength you have exuded since July 31 has been so amazing and I am so proud of you.

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  2. I pray that 2019 is a happy year for you and your precious family. Y’all sure deserve it <3

  3. Prayers that 2019 is restful, filled with joy, and a strong family.

  4. Love you so much, friend. You are a fierce, loving, courageous mommy and such a light to all who know you. Praying these intentions with you for 2019.

  5. Friend. I SEE YOU💗And I am praying and hoping alongside of you. May this year be a journey of joy, travel, exhaling, connecting and loving. Sending all of my love 💛

  6. I think of you guys all the time! Thanks for your perspective, I so admire you April!

  7. You're such a wonderful mom and an inspiration. You've handled 2018 with grace and strength. I am praying for your 2019.

  8. You are amazing and even though I'm not a mom, nor will I ever be, your heart, your strength, and the grace you display day-in, day-out, inspire me to be better, do better. Thank you. With much love from a total stranger.

  9. I love this and I love you! What a beautifully written post, dear friend! Prayers for an amazing 2019 with ALL your babies!

  10. All the prayers for you friend! Y’all make my heart happy (and Andi just adores seeing your girls and wearing your bows) you are a solid rock - whether you feel it or not and you guys deserve ALL the JOY! Much love to all of you and 2019 but watch it! Happy to see you back in this space - all the heart eyes!

  11. You deserve all the happiness. And I pray daily for you and your family. There are easy places for wheelchairs and special needs vacays. I can help you with that! Hugs to you from TN ��

  12. Prayers that your prayers/hopes are answered ten-fold in 2019. Our family continues to pray for yours.

  13. Lady you deserve happiness and joy and all the wee baby hands and feet. Latergram is better than no gram and know that we are all praying for you.

  14. You deserve the very best year. Continued prayers for you and your wonderful family. You guys are warriors. xo

  15. April, your precious Charlotte is in my constant prayers. I pray that your 2019 is filled with nothing but joy and love and laughter with your WHOLE family. Y'all deserve it more than anyone I know! And YOU, my dear, are the epitome of class and grace and strength and I admire you more than you'll ever know.

  16. Hugs to you & your sweet family April! I keep sweet Charlotte in my prayers; your whole family really! I hope your wishes for 2019 all come true!

  17. I am praying you have your baby with you all of the months. Continued prayers for you and the fam.

  18. April- I think of you & your family EVERY SINGLE DAY. The way you have dealt with Charlotte's diagnosis & how your family has rallied together is so inspirational...I hope you know that! I myself have had quite a challenging last couple of years and have struggled with PPD & anxiety while trying to come to terms with my sweet 2 year old baby boy having autism. I've spent months and months just sad, mad, and grieving in a way. But since finding you and hearing you talk about cultivating joy throughout this journey has been a game-changer. I literally tell myself "If April can do it, so can you" countless times throughout the day. I don't know how you juggle it all so well. I know you have your moments. I see you and I'm thinking & praying for you all!!! Thank you for being such a positive role model for us moms out there struggling with something hard!

  19. I don't know why, but for not reading blogs for many months, and being burned out on IG and deleting many sites, I opened up the blog site today and saw your darling family photo. I read and thought oh no your beautiful little girl is ill. I found Charlotte's Joy site, and just felt a need to tell you I am praying for your beautiful baby girl, for you and your husband and family. Your journey showing such grace, love, and joy is a beautiful picture of profound family love amid such heartbreak. You have shown there is joy in life every day. I hope and pray you are blessed with, and given everything and more on your list for 2019....

  20. Girl, you are one strong chick & doing all the right stuff. You keep on keeping on & loving up on those babes of yours. Many hugs sent your way from Wisconsin. <3

  21. One, thank you -- for allowing me (all of us) into your life/lives. And two, I missed commenting on your Insta Story when you were reading "Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening" to Char. This is my introductory poem to our "winter album" unit with my seniors every year (25 years so far), and all day, in each class, I could only hear you reciting it to Char as we discerned meaning. Thank you for sharing your voice so it could be part of my own experience.

  22. So much love and joy for your beautiful family. Prayers for health for your family xoxo

  23. I love this post.

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  24. so beautiful

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